Pay it forward

‘Gratitude’ was just another word from the dictionary for me. But it was not the case after I started this novel habit of holding this ‘Gratitude Journal’. As per thesaurus it means thankfulness, appreciation, gratefulness, acknowledgment, response, sense of obligation. Be it of any meaning, I would say it is something which not only brings merry to the person who gets it but also to the one who feels it. Feeling thankful for what we are blessed for will uproot the hatred we have towards a person. I know it’s too hard to practice, still once done, once enjoyed the syrup of happiness, we will never stop doing that – PAY IT FORWARD!

The truth is that everyone is obliged to the other in some way or the other. So what’s wrong in opening up and thank them for that reason.

What I did was:

By the end of the day, roll down all the scenes of the day in my mind. Pause each and every moment and write a thank you note if someone has been kind to me, helped me, assisted me, guided me, given me their time and effort as gift for my growth as a person as well as professionally. On the first week it was tough for me to think about every single instance in my day. Later when I started to appreciate the small acts people did and played a role in my day, life started to be beautiful!

The curve

Some can draw the curve on your face,
Just by filling the space.

Why do you like me?

When I'm posted with this question from my favorites, I'm stuck with blankness. Because the truth is I don't know the answer. There's this dilemma always between the statements "There could be no reason to like a person" and "There could be no reason to hate a person". People use it as per their convenience. But I don't want to fall into that ocean. I want to know which statement holds atleast the nearest truth, at least for answering my dear ones.

There are few people whom we like at the first sight itself without any reason. It's not just because they are beautiful, there are many scientific reasons behind it. Number one is, "schemata" which means, their face structure will be similar to those we have likings/related already. For example, if someone is similar to any of our favorite actor or actress, we tend to like that person on the first itself. That's the reason why new born babies gets attached with their relatives easier than their parents' friends. Number two, "deja vu moments" which means, on seeing some people we get the feeling that we have met them somewhere earlier. Such moments might be due to some pre-birth bonds. Though such ideas are not encouraged by many, it is scientifically proven.

The above mentioned reasons will cover only 20% of the relationships' durability. There are many bonds which lost its strength due to the aftermath effects of the compatibility. So the remaining 80% depends on how they both carry the bond. It is in their hands whether to colour it with bright shades or paint it black and white by finding faults.

A relationship goes through the basic six emotions of human being. Before explaining the journey of relationship, here are the basic 6 emotions: Happy, Surprise, Sad, Fear, Anger and Disgust. Beginning of a relationship will be alluring, everything will seem to be perfect, they will feel blessed, in short they will be in cloud nine every single moment. In depth, these happens because human brain will be so excited in knowing new things, they spend lot of time in asking questions, seeing things from the same point of view. They will be ready to compromise to be liked by the other. In order to impress the other, they pamper them with care and love to surprise them. Even in little events, they work to astonish the other. In depth, doing so will increase the expectation level on each other. In the due course, when either of them fail to act as per the other's expectation, there comes the brother 'disappointment', of the next guy 'sadness'. This is the stage where the amygdala (seat of emotions in brain) comes into role. People who handles this stage consciously and sensibly will get through all the other emotions and will lead a balanced relationship. But those who fail will fall in line with the succeeding emotions. Getting back to the track, sadness, such unfullfillments lead the person to feel blue, feel dejected. This feeling might cause the fear of being left alone or fear due to possessiveness. Most of the times this fear of one person is mis-conceptualized as 'taking control' of the other's life. For example, if A is afraid about losing B, where B is a carefree person. Everytime when B goes out with other friends without informing A and A asks about the actions, B misunderstands it as 'A is taking charge of his life activities'. Such arguments will lead to anger of A as well as B. Even this stage can be mended when they are ready to sit and sort things out. If the relationship and the person is their priority they will step forward to untie the complications but on the other hand, if their ego comes in front even the God can't help them. As a last stage, when they are not ready to 'right the wrong', even the feel about the other person will lead to disgust which will be the trigger to end their relationship.
So it's all at the hearts of the individuals to weigh which is important for them, the person or the ego!

Real love is when a person is ready to handle the 80% of the durability by surpassing all the hurdles just for your presence in their life! Beyond these, patience and understanding will help you to gain your loved ones love!

The little things

No need of prolonged conversation,
A word is enough.
No need of sessions together,
A passing is enough.
No need of comedy dharbar,
A smile is enough.
No need of wrapped gift,
An imperfect tune is enough.
Relationship is not in expressing -but
In unspoken understandings...

Love "them"

If it is your friend,
Love them.
If it is your enemy,
Love them more.

For scaling up your patience,
Saving time from meditation,
Love them more,
Love them even more.

For enlightening acceptance,
Being 100 books' substitution,
Love them more,
Love them even more.

For making your heart frozen,
Channelizing the emotions,
Love them more,
Love them even more.

If it is your friend,
Love them.
If it is your enemy,
Love them even more.

My longest ride with "The Longest ride"

As they say, a bad day doesn’t end bad. There will be a silver lining to it. And today I experienced it. Misunderstandings, stress, feeling alone, missing some part of me somewhere were the feelings to which I was exposed today. It was not a good start, with all those addiction to my stupid hand partner(mobile). With no other ways of relaxing myself I was in a loop of watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S in youtube. Because of my little fear of completing my work before deadline, I made myself to sit down to work on my presentation. Long back, a colleague of mine shared a pinch of his treasured movie collection and was expecting me to comment about his taste and my review about the movies. Through some ray of expectation, I wanted to try one from it. My choice was “The Longest ride”. Without any clue on what I’m going to watch, what emotion the movie is awaiting to give me, how the actors have done their job, I sat with my pillow and laptop with fully charged battery. The chillness that the AC provided and no noise around me created the best of the climate to cherish the script. Seeing the female lead who is one of my favourites and the casual and breezy storyline I was travelling along the script. With the old man entering their lives I was not much interested at first. But then with few more scenes of him I started falling in love with his life than the lead actors’. The love, the compassion, the sacrifice, the care, Ira and Ruth had was unexplainable. It was a subtle movie which cuddled me with thoughts, lessons and it was like some power caressing me, gliding its hand over my hair and talking to me those words which Ira shared with Sophia. The sacrifice Ruth had made for her love, the hardships to adapt that Ira took for seeing the smile in her face, the decision Sophia made to let her dreams go to be with her love and the realisation dawned on Luke to choose which was his life, brought me tears.

“What made you to buy that painting?”

“Ira”

(I was literally crying)

I wanted to pour out my words about this movie in my whatsapp status. In my search for a pic of the casts and some quotes from it, I was thrown with another surprise. I felt my heart beat racing up when I found it. That movie has been taken from my most favourite story sculptor “Nicolas Sparks”. Still amazed by those 2 hours and 8 minutes journey, the journey of love of Ira-Ruth and Luke-Sophia.

I could not stop typing my experience about that movie here, in this post. Still, I had to right!

 

“….So many wonderful years. But of course, not nearly enough…”

#windowside_stories

Day 12:

I guess today is a muhurtha day as I found the sound and decorations colouring the place when I was crossing the marriage hall. There were 2 ladies who were very much engrossed in their talk. But then I could see them being conscious about the jewels they have worn. In built characteristics make women so alert is what I felt. A girl sat next to me. After 5 minutes she poked me to ask whether I did my schooling in Salem. I might have resembled someone to her. What might have gone through in her mind? Should I ask her and get my doubt clarified? "It's better to ask out and if it's true I can have a chit chat and develop my network than staying dumb and losing a contact". Women are ready to open up and move forward but are finding an invisible limit.

My Broken Doll

Gazing at the stars, standing in this unknown place
Uttering no word, you held me dearly
Retrospecting the first moments, splash of colours fill my heart
Unboxed my crazyness, without any second thought
Vented out every little hitch, your presence was my only hope
Illusion over ruled now, the stitches are ravelling
Given time and care, getting detached from this broken heart
Natural dialogues faded away, space between us dilates
Exchange with me our roles, you'll know the other half of our story
Struggling to be 'strings attached', with all my emotions off
Hoping for a solution, which may not even exist...

The wonderMEN

There is a conventional saying "Behind every successful man. there is a woman". But I'll quote, "Behind every successful woman, there is a man, may be more".

They can be tough on the outside but inside them lies the most delicate heart which becomes a cozy couch only for those few women who touch their life, she can be a sister or friend or their dream girl. But it is always true that the heart which fight for its survival in the struggling world will pave way for their loved ones.

I too met few men who have moved my soul in some way or the other. Few faces got introduced at the time needed and some at the time unexpected, but the veracity is that they all came  for some reason.

There was this guy with whom I was grown up, whom I meet during my summer holidays. I have never been close to him till the day when he talked for my sake to my parents. He believed me even the moment I lost hope on myself.

Then the other, who made me smile when I couldn't, who gave me reasons to value myself, who is there for me and will be there for me till my end.

One guy who can be seen as epitome of friendship, who stood for his friend during all his crisis. Apart from his charm and pure heart, he gave me many instance to prove me that anyone can trust him.

And then this man, who is a brother from another mother. He has never stopped showing the meaning of love and care. His innocent smile and the great mind has many times made me to wonder how one can get such personality.

The bhai who has shown me how a guy can be respected as man with his nature and action. More than him, his mother has become my role model in growing a child. Kudos ma! for giving such a son to this world and such a good..no..the best friend to me!


This kido, with whom I started my conversation asking help, pestering him then came a brief period after which someway we started to sit in the same bench for food everyday. And now my breakfast or lunch or dinner never starts without his hi-fi punch and cute smile. Close to my heart bro is that kido.

This Lilliput hero, OMG! I don't know how he have this power generator within him. Never gets tired of the responsibilities, never say 'NO' to the hardships and too emotional when it comes to girls. I have never told him that he has been my inspiration at times. I'm sure he has a long way to go as a leader!.

This another small guy who wander here and there and avoid staying in a gang. He has this urge to rise up in his career for which he grabs all the opportunities to climb the ladder. His love and longing for love has always shaken me up and sometimes down.

Lots of fights and beating has he got, still never left me a step alone. He had been there listening to all my blabbers and hit me when I go wrong. How hard I push him away, he let down his ego and came back to console me, my brother @TSM who always envy my little hands. He taught me 'to cut the nails than the fingers'.

The Tom when I'm Jerry, is this guy who has become such a close friend to me with whom I spoke whatever came to my heart without making a check by my mind. Lessons are many which he taught, all through my life and the happenings around the world.

Then this complan boy who doesn't share any connection with me in anyway - not age, not batch, not specialization, nothing. Still he is that much close, like how a real brother would take care of his little princess. I can't forget to mention his curiosity, his hunger for knowledge and many more. Sometimes I'll be amazed and gets inspired by his interests.

The man of perfection, who can get awards like : "The perfect son", "The perfect student" and "The perfect small brother" whom I miss a lot. everyone does mistake but it is the way how the other end forgives and forgets. Maybe for some days this silence can live, hope this dies soon.

Then the Bheem guy who is the one who has the strongest heart of all as he gave his beloved "RE" for my use. The way he handled my silly desires and his ever dying determination gave awe moments.

And here comes the final one. The incredible, the indescribable, the museum piece - The Big Bunny. My intro to you may be as a stranger but to me it's not the way. All your comical doings are registered in my mind and never left unnoticed. At the start our friendship was a thin string but I have never thought it would become such a bond. I have spotted tiny behaviors of yours which had implicit principles to follow. There were days when I land up to you when I want to talk to someone who know me in this unknown place. You were there to assist me to walk through those hard days. These words may seem less powerful to you but it's not your fault. I would always want our friendship to stay blessed and your life to fly like a "chittukuruvi".

Thus the list ends (as of now), I'm sure I'll meet many wonder'MEN' who can inspire me, who can strengthen me and who can turn my falls into peaks. I will proudly say that among the wild world of men who pull down every women from marching towards the zenith, there are men who hold her strongly, rise her to break the glass ceiling and shine bright like a diamond!

The directions

The sand was draining
She couldn't save the time
Still she did...

She took off her veil
Stood without a shade
Explained them for so long
Finaly East and West approved...

She walked across the sands
Hurted with sun burns
Brought out her reasons to them
Finaly North and South approved...

Neither energy nor words remained
Satisfied of proving, she rested for a while
Out of nowhere they arose...

Questioning her genuineness
Questioning her outlook
Questioning her courage
The arrows stabbed her to a state
Worse than death, humiliation
The arrows which came from the eight directions... 

மண்ணில் சொர்க்கம்

இளைப்பாற மனம் நாட,
உனை  நோக்கி  நான்  வந்தேன்...

வலி பாரா பாதம் அவை,
உயரம்  காண அடிகள் வைத்தேன்...

உன்னை அடைந்த அந்த நொடி,
குருதி இன்றி தென்றல் பாய...

கண்ணை விட்டு மறையா எழில்,
மக்கள் மறக்க சுற்றம் மறந்தேன்...

தலைக்கு  மேல் நீளமும்,
காலின் கீழ் பசுமையும்,
என்னை மறந்து உயிர் பிரிந்து,
மோட்சம் அடைந்த உணர்வை கொண்டேன்...

ஏனோ எதற்கோ காரணம் அறியேன்,
அன்று கண்ட கண்ணீர் துளிக்கு...

The Bubble

It's a thin layer around her, a bubble. Her vision was crystal clear without disturbance from any dirt, without any dreamy thoughts popping into her head time to time, without any futile comments pointing at her. Only when she reach out her hand she could feel the bubble. It was a bubble neither made out of interest nor out of pressure. It was constructed to safe guard herself from the society,to see the road that was waiting for her arrival. The road will lead her to a place where she deserves to be. The bubble was carefully blown to get away from those who drag her down, who pull her from reaching out her ambition. Not just them but also few who has string attached to her in the name of affection and care. She doesn't need them, those who make her a choice. It was too late for the poor girl to realize that she was approached for some reason and when her assistance served their purpose she was left there alone again. 

But now, with this ever surrounding bubble she is happy. Not just happy but also with complete concentration on her purpose of life. It's true that she wanted friends, relatives and soulmate. But then when it was seen clearly that no one stays till the end she decided to move on with this light weight bubble around her.

The Outlier

The days confined within the walls were good,
The days given the evening curfew were good,
The days without the handy evil were good...

First day there filled with words and smiles,
Maybe it was the same here
Third day there refreshed with laughter,
It was a gap so soon here

We ran for happiness then,
Maybe the reason has changed now
We never left the dinning empty then,
Maybe the seats are engaged with something else

I entered the room then,
chatters till I leave them
I'm entering the room now,
only a second to leave them

In a hall of texting hands,
I'm looking for a holding hand
In a bench of competing minds,
I'm looking for a compassionate heart

One for all and all for one then,
One for one and that's it for all now
They got people to spend time with,
But the blame falls on the singles about spending time

The days confined within the walls were good,
The days given the evening curfew were good,
The days without the handy evil were good...

Ex-Friend

Start - End

On a breezy evening, seeing the lined motion of ants along the fence in the park, the woman's thoughts wavered in air.
This is how my princess went into the school and now to my amusement she's a working woman. Time fleets! It's really terrifying till she comes back home safely. These news about women harassment make every parent to get goosebumps. Why can't the government take any strict action? .Its funny to think about government's take when it itself is abandoned an...d taken for granted. Why can't our country be like abroad? Aren't our people not that intelligent to take a good decision about people ruling our country? No, we can't say they are dumb. Only because they are prudent, they are even hired at higher designations in US and other countries. But there came a full stop to our talents with the regulations on H1B. Yes, Rekha boasted about marrying her daughter to the US working guy but see everything went in vain. They are returning back to India. OMG! She may come home tomorrow, she will start pestering me about finding a groom for my princess. I have to talk about that to my prince. Ofo... It's time. What should I prepare for dinner today?

She stood up and walked towards the gate of the park...
This is how the thought process of most of the Indian women start and end. May this ratio change in the following years!
Happy Women's Day!

Her Promise

One year's all she had
Medications were beyond her wallet

Detaching herself from family
Parted her soul and mind

Tears were her only friend
Death was her only visitor in dream

She tolerated the pain from killer disease
But not the piercing from the love sword

Facing him everyday failed her to bloom
Wearing a mask she passed each day

Searching a reason to move away
A day came with nonetheless argument

She handled a magnifier to look at it
He avoided the hurting words

Smile was all that he wanted her to wear
Poison coated words were thrown at him

At last she got what she wanted
He left the bond bleeding blue

And there she stood with none to cry

From God's angel he came to know
The mask worn by his beloved heart

He stood in front of her
Looked into her eyes
She saw the promise in his eyes
"I'll stay with you whenever it maybe"

Melted was her heart
Slapped was her conscience
Well seen was his true love
Holding him in her hands
She promised herself forever
"I'll be there with you even after I die"

#I wrote this after listening to Radio about the love story of a girl who was suffering from blood cancer.

நீதானே என்தன் பொன்வசந்தம்

Doodle bookmark

ஜல்லிக்கட்டு

The Queen Bee

It was so crowded today, thank God I got a seat. This happened in the normal bus that goes to my
workplace. To describe the crowd,it seemed like the bee swarm on one early morning. I was constantly hearing the sounds of "Ouch!", "Shit!", "Sshhh" from those who were standing. I felt pity for them and thought about my state if I was late for a few minutes. And with all that, the ticket passing game started. Everyone got into through the front door and the conductor was sitting near the back door. With my earphones on I was watching this game for a long time. No one was volunteering to continue it as soon as the chaos started. The passer couldn't remember where and which ticket match and the balance amount to be handover was also a reason to confuse. Among these tensed bees, I noticed a queen bee. She was composed, she raised her voice made herself audible to the people at the front and was managing the game perfectly. The smile which she wore at the start of the journey didn't go down till she got down. As a reward she got a  'Thank you' from the conductor from the bottom of his heart.

I understood 'With smile in you face, any action you do is good'.